It’s almost 4AM and I’ve been awake since 1:30AM. My neighbors have been less than kind in their daily actions. They tend to be awake ridiculously late and are typically drunk and very loud in the process. I can’t say anything about being drunk, but the loudness is just disrespectful being in an apartment complex. Since I’m awake I’ve been looking at sailboats for sale. This is something I’ve been doing pretty much since I got down to South Carolina. Part of me knows I am not going to stay with Boeing for the rest of my life and wants to go do something interesting with what remains of my life.
I’ve been dreaming of buying a sailboat in some far off land and sailing it home, or at least what I call home now. For instance, there was a beautiful older wooden boat for sale in Peru. I couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like having to go through South America to get the boat and sail it back. It would be full of danger and excitement. Normally I despise thrill seeking, but lately I’ve relaxed my attitude a bit. I’ve become more nonchalant about almost everything. I’ll still get riled up, but when it comes to life and limb I tend to press things more than usual. This is the result of an incredibly boring life thus far. So back to Peru: I guess I would have to fly because I simply cannot imagine driving that far, though it is possible. The route along the way is less than kind to Americans and I have no desire to get caught up in that shit, so I’d just as well fly as directly as possible, then buy the boat, and then prepare it for a long journey through part of the South Pacific, then having to navigate the Panama Canal for the first time (not a simple feat, or so I’ve read), then through the Gulf around Florida and to what I call home now, South Carolina.
This truly is just a dream, and one that I probably will never get the chance to act on, but my “safety zone” is no longer restricting the possibility. Perhaps I could buy a boat from Washington and have to sail around the US coast, along Mexico, through the Panama Canal, and back home. That would still be quite the adventure, and my life is in desperate need of an adventure. The drive to South Carolina was just a mini adventure, and it has only slightly whetted my appetite. Now I kind of want to travel the country at least, if not the world. Traveling the world is less appealing these days. Though, I guess if there isn’t some risk involved then there probably isn’t much reward involved either.
So, for now I am mildly content at just browsing these sale ads for sailboats. Coming down the road in the future I am going to grow less content with what we consider a traditional lifestyle of going to work every day and doing the same boring shit everyone else is doing. I’m afraid that is not going to work for me for the rest of my life. I want more out of life. I want to have stories to tell that don’t involve me being liquored out of my fucking mind and contemplating wrestling an alligator in the pond behind the bar. I mean yeah it’s fun for everyone that was there, except for me because I don’t remember any of that happening. I want to remember the fun stuff. I want to be a fun person. I need some culturing. I’ve been sailing before as a child, though we didn’t know much of what we were doing, and yeah I was kind of terrified of the whole process, but sea sickness was never a problem, so I can get over the terror of heeling over once I am the one in control and not my father.
The future could be very bright, but I have to attack it soon because I feel I am running out of time. My body is no longer handling the things I’ve done to it very well and it’s only going to get worse with age.